Codename: Chinafood
Nagz's and my birthday are quite close to each other in the calendar, so we usually throw a coop party every year. This also happened this year, however, I never know what I will start when I reserved a table in a Chinese restaurant. I've met a true Chinese master cook once, and he said that there is only one true Chinese restaurant in Budapest, where they cook and serve by the ancient Chinese traditions, and that is the one called 'Nine Dragons'. All others are disgusting pighouses, and it's true that they never have any kitchen waste left. So, I've called that Nine Dragons place, and reserved a table for ten, as a bunch of Hungarian sceners were expected to gather for a fine dinner. This was how it all started...
OK, we had a meeting, then headed for the restaurant. Actually neither of us knew where this place exactly is, but we had some hints. We were sitting on a bus, watching for the restaurant's sign, and when we spotted it, immediately got off and invaded the place. And we were there!
A young waitress came to us and asked if she can help. Yes, I said, we have a table reserved. But she replied:
- No, Sir, I afraid you don't...
- But yes - I said - we have a table reserved here, for 20:30.
- Ah... For 10 persons?
- Well, I remember 8 persons, but well... I am not sure... Yes, it might be 10 after all.
- Ah, OK, sorry, please follow me.
And she disappeared on a quite deserted, quite ruiny, and disgustigly smelling corridor. We followed, she guided us to a separated room, past the open doors of the kitchen, where criminal-looking ugly guys were butching entire pigs and slicing huge shreds of meat of unknown origin. It all looked like they've never cleaned anything here. Also the room we've been invited to: the plaster was falling from the walls, there was a wrecked shelf standing in the corner, holding some old blankets and pieces of broken household machinery. It was just like some lower class restaurant in the wastelands of Ukraine! But there was also a huge, round table with ten chairs, so, first we decided to accept the harsh conditions, and see if this place is really as good as it's been said.
Now it was time to wash our hands, so we visited the toilets. It was quite okay, except of a table saying:
PLEASE DON'T DROP USED TOILET PAPER INTO THE TOILET, BUT INTO THIS BAG!
And of course, a plastic bag full of used toilet paper was hanging from the wall. Neat.
Returning to the room, the waitress came again, and asked if we are really, really sure that we have our table reserved. I said yes, I myself discussed it with a Chinese lady on the phone. The waitress then said: "Ah, yeah, now I understand!" and rushed away quite angrily, yelling: "Lisa! Lisa, hey! Where is that bitch?!" We had been left in our room, so we sat down and browsed the menu. This restaurant seemed quite cheap, like, 200 HUF (that's some 0.75 USD) for a soup, and so. For some reason, an old Chinese guy, dressed like a businessman, and accompanied by several similar figures opened the room's door for several times, staring at us angrily, but we didn't care.
OK, we put our orders and waited, talking and laughing, finally we had the idea of turning the lights off. The room was completely dark, except for some light arriving from the restaurant's neon street sign from the outside, which was blue, giving the dark room a weird atmosphere. It was so funny we left the lights off, and sat in complete silence for a short time. Well, the waitress was a bit surprised when she came in and saw us sitting in the dark, keeping silent. She turned the lights back on, and I mumbled something like "eh... the ghost did not came..."
The first round of food, the soup arrived rather slowly and was utterly disgusting. This was the point when I started wondering why do they bring the soup first? The Chinese always eats the soup as the last meal. I grew suspicious...
Maybe we're not sitting in Nine Dragons after all??
A quick glance outside of the window, to the street sign confirmed my suspicion: We were in the wrong restaurant! And the Chinese was looking angrily because we took their reserved places. Quickly we decided to buzz off, mostly because the "food" was the most uneatable, disgusting crap I've ever seen, even beating what I've seen in the army. We paid our bills, fortunately it was cheap at least. I also gave some 100 HUF (30 US cents) extra to the waitress for being so nice to us. I wonder why didn't she accept it? Finally we found Nine Dragons just a corner away, and figured that there are around a dozen Chinese restaurants on this street, so it's not a surprise that we mistook one as another. Nine Dragons was a complete difference, a very clean and elegant, beautiful place, with very polite waiters, superb food, and surprisingly, even lower prices than that greasy spoon cafe. They truly managed to restore my belief in the existence of good Chinese food!